A List Dedicated to the Things I Hate Most

I have a lot of feelings for sports, most good, some bad. This list is meant to show anything in sports that I hate. Sit down, light up a cigarette, and bask in the things I hate most:

• Dick Vitale- My God Almighty, Lord Jesus Christ. I absolutely hate this man. Dukie V is by far my most hated sports announcer, writer, etc. (I hate him more than Skip Bayliss!) If I have to hear Dick talk about stroking anything, I might shoot my penis off. The only thing Dick Vitale strokes is J.J. Redicks hair after a passionate night of hot man on boy anal sex. Also, he has one eye. Enough said.
  
• Stuart Scott's eye- Seriously if you have h.d. tv and have to stare at his eye, it almost puts you in trance like coma. At least wear an eye patch, if would make you look so much cooler. A patch with say a skull and crossbones, or a scale drawing of your penis, whatever.
• Greg Oden's dad- I have never personally met him, or seen him, except once in the movie "Congo". I didnt know silverback gorrillas could have a child that plays in the big ten.
  
• John Madden- I own the game Madden, but i refuse to play if the volume is on. John Madden might be the most retarded, drunk, fat slob announcing today. I'm pretty sure he wants to have hot anal sex with Brett Farve also.
• Skip Bayliss- Seriously wearing a fucking pink polo? Worst personality on tv, I'm pretty sure he gets his clothes from his Alpha Gamma Rho son that slips GHB into guys drinks that are small enough for him to carry to his room to "cuddle with."
• Larry Coker- Great recruiter, seriously. I didn't think or know that it was legal to recruit from penetentiarys, but he must use one of those inmate pen pal programs.
  
• Screamin' A. Smith- Yes, you have a voice. Most of us have voices. Except Helen Keller, but do you really have to write your emails in ALL CAPS? Or tell us whose party you were at last night, by breaking our fucking inner ear?
• Bruce Pearl- Seriously man, buy some fucking deodorant, or don't wear so many layers. At least wear a speedo, so it looks like you were swimming, you repulsive fuck.
• Coaches with gay first names- Urban Meyer? Seriously who names their child after a fucking city? I might name my next kid Rural. Or maybe your parents were obsessed with popes in the 1400's, which is just fucking weird. Thad Matta? Enough said, if your name is Thad, than you deserve to have piles of shit flung at you while waiting till your 18 to change your name.
• Duke Basketball fans- What a bunch of sad, computer programming, 115 pound fucking dorks. They have pre-arranged cheers printed up, enough said. You have a 4.0 gpa? Well at least I dont have a face full of acne, and a pile of cum socks under my bed you fucking losers.
  
• Chicago Quarterbacks- Cade Mcnown, Kyle Orton, Craig Krenzel, Erik Kramer, Kordell Stewart, Jim Miller, Johnathon Quinn, the list goes on and on. New years is over, Rex so get your fucking head in the game, or youll be wiping up strip club floors like the previous ones just listed.
• J.J. Redick- Americas boy? Nice fucking popped collar in your D.U.I. picture you gay fuck. Shouldn't have drank all those Zima's that night eh?
  
• Charlie Weiss- I heard a clause in his contract provides him with a 12 year old naked boy to consume once a week, before every game. Seriously, buy a fucking treadmill you rich fat fuck.
  
• Joakim Noah- Nappier roots than my maple tree in the back yard. Seriously cut your hair, your not a badass, nor will you ever meet R.W. McQuarters. No talk of you for the draft, probably because of your appereance you scummy piece of shit.
  
• Chris Berman- I wish you never mentored Stephen A. Smith, because if I have to hear you say "wooop" one more time I'm gonna drive to Bristol and choke you to death with a box of Ding-Dongs.